July 31st, 2014

So, I'm gonna do this ONCE and ONCE only.

As of 31st of July 2014 (that's this year), if I don't find another home, I will indeed become homeless.

It is not that I WANT to be homeless, it is indeed more close that I feel I need a new identity, new city, new experience, fix what was broken in THIS LIFE, etc...

I have been told by my Team (guardian angels - Rexy and now Elizabeth, and guide - Moonwalker) that if I had drowned myself in the River in 2013 I would be facing thousands of years in Hell.

Or other "wishes" on myself

In earlier 2014 I was told that a NEW Book of Life was set up for me, for my life as Adrien in Paris France.

All *I* need do is to keep away from thoughts of wanting to drown, or be eaten, etc... meditate daily, pray the rosary daily... and maybe, just maybe, I will be taken up to Heaven or at least a Purgatory planet, and return... have been guaranteed _before 2024_ to reincarnate as Adrien.

I am 48 yrs. old. I basically have no job prospects, as of later this month, no home.

I have been losing extended family for the past few years.

I cannot afford a good accommodation because now even a 1 bdrm. apt. will cost $800.... Just ask my friend Michael.

The so-called mental health system has told me, point blank... "No we can't help you much Jim, in your autism. If you had been born in 1996 or later, yes. But at your age, you'll just have to manage on your own... Now go out there and find an apt. before you become homeless".

Please, please, please ... people... pray for me as a soul, as a spirit, as someone who has incarnated on this planet several several times in the past 28,000 years. Pray that God, in all that God IS...guides me safely into Purgatory or Heaven, and that I do not fall to Hell if I die this year.

It is very important that you do this.

So is anyone in the Winnipeg area willilng to take me in? No I am NOT WORKING right now, and unless something changes... I do have a good work ethic though, and I do  volunteer... I don't play videogames in my basement while watching pay-tv (I guess Netflix is the equivalent nowadays).

Thank you, and Namaste.

It's Time To Be Adrien!

http://kingst0n-rossdale.tumblr.com/image/90153077933

There are preschool-age kids in the basement of the River Heights Library, participating in a group activity of some kind. Some left for home because I think that activity just ended at 11h.

That got me thinking...

Another + in my justification for me choosing to reincarnate now is this...

The souls who have come back in Human form...some of them are first time to Earth, others have waited perhaps 100 years or so, others are deceased Baby Boomers and Gen X'ers....

I have more in common with these souls, and as mentioned in parenting columns that kids born since about 2002 see their parents as friends and vice versa, compared to my generation X whose parents grew up in the Depression Era...

If I reincarnate now, I will have more in common with my parents and also the kids of 2002 and beyond (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z)...

If I were to die, and then not be able to come back until decades later, and a newer, higher generation of souls come to Earth, who are HIGHER VIBRATION...it will become more and more difficult for myself and other souls to REACH that soul vibration.

So, the time is now.

Since the Fall of 2013 I have been working with my spirit guide, Moonwalker, to create a new life for me. That life is not yet 'activated', but is still in the planning stages...like when we're in Heaven before a life and we go thru a checklist with one of our guides and SELECT what options we want to be or experience coming up.

So, I have selected to be a Human male, living in Paris, France, will continue to have the Autism gene, will live close enough to access (by walk) rail rapid transit - whether that be the Paris Metro, the RER, or  Transilien. I know some French, and I've wanted to practice conversational French...

In this life / En cet vie ... I have had access to keyboard musical instruments. I have had more than 40 years (ans) experience in playing along with tunes on the radio. However, growing up, my Dad was not able to afford music lessons for me...But as Adrien, I choose to place myself into a family whose Dad CAN afford a good quality music keyboard (a Yamaha Tyros 2 or 3 would be fine), and to have music lessons at an early age, so I can perhaps when I get older, play in a Rock band playing 1960s-1980s music, or something similar.

Next... I (feel), based on a past life meditation in July 2010 that I was a Great White Shark approx. 2000 years ago, off the coast of the Northern Territory (territoire) of Australia. One day, while I was swimming in the sea, a young man about the age was swimming too. I think I ate him. His parents got some people together and they harpooned me to death... I think that, while I have had a total of 4 Human lives since the Middle Ages, I have been prevented (?) from swimming... Maybe it's karma, or maybe I just have promise God that I won't eat another Human... I don't know... But I DO want to learn to swim again. So I choose to have parents who also can swim and can teach me or send me off for swimming lessons.

Because I choose to continue with the Autism experience, and also because my babyhood was suddenly pulled from me approx. March 1969... and also if you look at  'baby culture' nowadays, you'll see some boys and girls, about 3 or 4, sometimes 5, sitting in a stroller and sucking on a binky/pacifier. I want to experience a FULL babyhood this time around and that it should be MY DECISION when to let it go... Just look at Kingston Rossdale, poster child for this natural babyhood... I have seen a photo of him with the title that he was 6 yrs. old and had a yellow binky and a Star Wars t-shirt. And diapers for me, even when I am 10 years old or so... I just HATE underwear. I love diapers and they make me feel 'complete'. Crib time, and when I have my younger sibblings, I just want to have my crib time, and if that means buying an additional crib or allowing me to have a 1 or 2 hour afternoon nap in my younger sibbling's crib, then that's all I want.

It's time to be Adrien!

PBS c. 1986: Secret City 3-1

javascript:void(0)

I used to watch this with my sister Pat, on PBS, in 1986, when PBS was still a COOL network to watch.

What happened to this program, Secret City, and what happened to PBS?

PVH = Calvin Klein + Arrow + IZOD + Tommy Hilfiger

I just bought a new pair of IZOD brand white coloured pants from The Bay.

It cost me $30 + tax.

Even though IZOD has been around since the 1930s I don't really recognize it much.

So I looked up their name on Wikipedia and it says that since 2010 they have been bought by Phillips-Van Heusen Corp (PVH).

And PVH also owns most of the other big name Men's fashion companies, like Tommy Hilfigre, Arrow (!), Calvin Klein, and Chaps.

They have manufacturing plants all over Asia, like China, Bangladesh, Philipines, etc...

So if you're wondering why everything looks the same, it's not just because all the designers go to the same trade shows. It's because, they're one and the same company.

See the Wikipedia article for yourself:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PVH_%28company%29

Anyways, I'm hoping that this Summer will be warm enough (less chemtrails) than the Spring has been so far.

EVP Spirit says 'It Sucks' (+playlist)

I will write about this when I have some time. The EVP was so loud and clear at this location of the Manitoba Legislature.

30 Years Ago ... the IBM PCjr

30 years ago, the IBM PCjr was released.
I remember using one at The Bay downtown Winnipeg store (Computerland) when they first came out in the Spring (April 1984). And later on that year, a student friend at Kelvin High School used to talk about his family having one.

It flopped in the market because it was under-powered and cost more than other home computers of the time (Apple II, Commodore 64, and TRS-80 CoCo.

Still, I love the design, and long for those days when there were no Rif-Raf on Graham Ave. downtown and television programming, especially on CBC, had taken on a new edgy sophistication.

Monitor Calibration: Look at the Color You've Been Missing [HD]

My Linux Toolset 2014 Edition

Here is the list of Linux (UNIX) software that I use as my toolset as at March 2014:

Main OS

Linux Fedora 18 (64-bit)
GNOME 3 w/ MATE Desktop

Firefox
LibreOffice 3.6 (an office suite)

Visual/Graphics Tools

Blender (a 3D graphics editor)
Darktable (a clone of Adobe Photoshop Lightroom) 
DeVeDe (to create DVD disks)
GPhoto Frame (a desklet that displays images in a small window)
GIMP 2.8 (raster image editor, similar to Photoshop)
Inkscape 0.48 (like Adobe Illustrator)
Kdenlive 0.96 (a video editor)
Scribus (a desktop publishing program)
Shotwell (a photo management program)

Utilities

 dispcalGUI ( to calibrate output devices - monitor, printer, scanner)
XSane (a scanner utility)
JACK Audio Connection Kit (an inter program method of connecting multimedia together, like virtual patch cables)
QJackCtl (a GUI front-end to Jack Audio Connection Kit)
gtk-RecordMyDesktop

Audio Tools

Audacity (a multi-channel audio editor)
Avidemux (audio/video converter)
Rhythmbox
Rosegarden

Misc. Tools

Stellarium (looking at the stars, star maps)

Progress towards MIDI (Linux)

Oh cool!  This is the way Rosegarden, a UNIX-based music composition (sequencer) program is supposed to work.

Once I find my MIDI cable (or buy a new one) and then buy a powered USB hub... all should be good.

Back in 2005 while I was already quite sick with diabetes symptoms I bought the m-audio Uno USB to MIDI adapter, and hooked it up to my laptop. It would work for a couple of times and then the connection would be flaky. Sometimes I'd get it to work, other times no go...and this was in Windows XP.

This guy explains the problem in a short video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tRQkfvnMDU

9 years later I found the solution to this problem in someone's Youtube video. The m-audio wasn't using enough electicity or whatever and so need more to get a proper connection to the laptop. The guy at the music store didn't quite help in 2005 / 2006 / 2007 ( I can't remember which year, it's all a blur). He said "you can't do MIDI on a laptop, use a PC instead"... Ya, real helpful sales clerk.
Anyways, I'll be fine once I get the extra hardware.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNdXdWoHU0w
Rosegarden is a GNU freeware. Back in 2005 I paid about $200 to get the MIDI USB cable and a copy of Cakewalk for Windows.

On Saturday, April 5th, 2014 I found the m-audio UNO USB-MIDI cable. It was at my parent's house, which I remembered taking there in 2009, after I couldn't get it to work on my laptop in 2005.

On Sunday, April 6th, 2014 I got internal MIDI to work via Rosegarden sequencer program... I made a short Youtube video. The secret was to do the folowing:

1. In a Linux console, type timidity -iA. This starts the Timidity++ program as a server and allows it to do the MIDI translation to the audio adapter.
2. Load Rosegarden sequencer.
3. Load Jack Audio Connection Kit (qjackctl).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oahd6N3-Fk&list=UUFDflUcE9asWlWiHHIz07Rg

Is Virtual Sex Possible?

http://www.outofbodyecstasy.com/2011/04/telepathic-sex-virtual-foreplay-and.html

Late afternoon, Wednesday, 6 novembre, I was eastbound bus stop in front of the Downtown Library.

There were two RT buses that I could have caught. One driver had tatoos, while the other guy was bald... OK, skip those.

I got on the 66 Grant, where the driver looked normal.

Then at some point a young man boarded. He was a late teen. He had large headphones with a 'b' logo on the sides. He wore a school bus orange and black tartan jacket. Like this...

I took a glance at his black hair on the back of his head. I don't know how to describe it, but the way his hair was cut it was like a few hairs here and a few there placed side by side. He looked so cute like that.

He sat down in the seat just ahead of the rear door, so I had a pretty good access to his physical appearance at all times.

I got the impression this late teen was already feeling a bit horny.

I haven't done this since late 2009 when my Mom lay in the Hospital dying, but I think i had virtual sex with him.

I closed my eyes, and started to imaging sucking on his penis, and stroking his tummy. I even had to swallow every now and then, it felt so REAL to me.

I could feel that his penis wasn't quite hard, so I virtually started to tug at it and squeeze it, in my mind. His virtual penis felt harder and got longer.

Near my stop, I got up off my seat. I wish I could have said to him "That was good, boy".

Instead, I said to another male (my passivity), "It was good", and I kinda motioned to the my virtual male partner whom I had for all but a short while, enjoying each other.

My AB/DL Self

This is a bit of a 'coming out' post for me.

I guess I haven't felt the need or the want, or maybe prior to the past year or so, it wouldn't make much difference.

My story begins in 1969 at age 3 yrs. when a few weeks had passed after I had been switched from a crib to a 'big bed'.

I guess subconsciously I had resented being switched, and of course my younger sister Marie, had just been born in January 1969, so I had to make room for her. However, I was not ready and flexible at the time to accept another sibling and be forced to grow up a bit.

One day, while my Mom rode the Metro Winnipeg Transit North Main trolleybus to downtown, she had my Baba (my grandma, her Mom) to babysit me.

Possibly because my Mom had refused allowing me back into the crib, I think I may have grown a friendship with Baba.

It was so long ago that I don't really remember this incident. The story was told by my Mom in the 1986 period, when I had 'come out' to her about my Adult Baby self.

I had asked Baba to put a cloth diaper on me and to place me in the crib for a while, until my Mom returns.

When Mom returned (early?), she noticed that I was still in the crib, and that I was wearing a cloth diaper.

Baba told Mom, "He (still) wants to be (a) baby".

Mom, in her infinite, naivety, returned the favour, and told her "don't encourage him in this behaviour".

Some time in 1969/70, I would be laying on my bed, at the foot of it, and my hands would be under my head, ... I'd be staring at the ceiling, thinking about my day. Sometimes I'd see blobs of black, large orbs, floating in front of me. Other times I heard adult voices, not voices of my Mom or Dad...if I heard them it was because they were arguing....No, these were adult voices, there were 3 or 4 of them, that I didn't really recognize. They were about middle-age...40s to 60s... They would repeat to me "pee in your bed before you sleep". I told them that I wanted so much to do this and that I needed to pee in my bed between 3 and 5 days and then Mom would maybe put me back into diapers.

I realized decades later, that these were my Spirit Guides ... Daniel, Moonwalker (Catherine Jaworski), Pete, and Clarabelle.

I was hesitant, because my Dad was not the kindest person, and my Grandpa (his Dad) was not nice...he had this mean looking stare...another relative years later said the same thing about my Grandpa. So I was terrified that Dad would tell his Dad that I wet the bed and that I was back into diapers. I was terrified of Grandpa's possible judgmental reaction. Why couldn't I have had grandparents on Dad's side that I really loved, and weren't scared of their reaction?

I yearned to be a baby again. I did not understand these intense feelings of wanting to be like this again.

So, after that, I was on my own... Baba would come over to babysit Marie and me, and Mom would go downtown to The Bay and Eaton's... I'd locate one of the plastic pants, then undress under the bed, and put a pair of plastic pants on me. ... this would have been in the 1971 period. Baba would not help put on a diaper on me, as per Mom's instructions. I'd crawl out from under my bed, with an errect penis from within the plastic pants. I stood there for maybe a minute or two, then went back in, to take off the plastic pants, and to dress back into my regular clothes. Baba would serve us a meat sandwich (salami, balogni, etc...) with orange pekoe tea with milk, and that'd be it for another day. This would happen once per month.

I remember there were quite a few thunderstorms during the Summer of 1971. I remember because it seems these would happen whenever Baba would babysit us. I was terrified of the thunder. Anyways...
 The next year, 1972, Baba got her first stoke. She spent a few days at our house, sleeping in the spare bedroom in the basement.  I remember Dad not wanting her to stay there. I feel that if Dad had allowed her to, possibly she would have lived into at least the early 1980s. But... moot point now.

After that first stroke, Baba was different. She did not move as fast, and Mom told me not to play too rough with her.

I got the idea to play "bus" with her in the basement. I'd set up a few chairs and she'd show me her senior's ID pass. Afterwards we'd have a meat sandwich and tea, just like before. But things were just different.

Baba passed away in 1973 (40 years ago this month), and I still miss her. Out of all my grandparent's, she was the closest to me because of putting me back into the crib, of of making me lunch. She bought me nicer clothes than Mom did...Bought toy trains and stuff that I really enjoyed.

In 1976 when I was 10 years old, the arborite and chrome highchair was in the basement, and so on a few occasions I had gone to the basement, and stood near the highchair. I imagined myself climbing into it, and sitting in it... I was worried however, that if I did, I'd be too big, and so I didn't go in it. Just held that fantasy in my mind.

November 1978, I had 'come of age'. Mom and Dad were gone to an anniversary or something and Dad's mother had babysat us. While The Love Boat on ABC Television was playing, I went to locate a couple of cloth diapers, and put them under my covers. I found a couple of pins in the bathroom drawer.

After about 11 pm I went to my room, and flattened out the diaper, without seeing it, in the darkness. It must have been positioned sideways, because it would just not "fit" properly. I gave up.

Skip forward to September 1981, this was my first month in Grade 10 high school. Mom was working once per week at a woman's home, helping to clean up after she had conducted a cooking course. Pat and Marie were both at elementary school. Dad was at work.

Approximately once per week I had a 'spare period', where I could go home early at about 13.30h. This was on Tuesday, because The Winnipeg Sun's community newspaper, The Mirror, was being delivered to households in the River Heights area.

I had the whole house to myself!

So now the cloth diapers were in the basement. I was a bit scared going down there all by myself. I mean, what if I seen Aern the Jinn. So I slowly went downstairs, and I found two cloth diapers in the laundry room. Found the two pins, and went to my room to put it on.

Oh, man was this so exciting to me...Why didn't the diaper fit back in 1978? I must have put it on sideways....Ouch! Oh well, I'm still young...

I put some powder on my diaper area, and masturbated while I wore the diaper. Found out decades later that this is 'normal' behaviour for those who do this type of stuff.

I'd do this every Tuesday, or every second Tuesday when everyone would be out of the house except for ME!

A year or two later Mom quit the cooking course help, and so I had to switch my strategy.

In the years 1981 and 1984 I had learned how to use the washing machine and drier. Life skills no one taught me otherwise, right Mom?

In 1984 I would have to wait until my family went to Polo Park Shopping Centre, usually on a Saturday afternoon to wear a cloth diaper and to wash the one(s) that I had wet. Because I didn't want anyone to know about my ...err...hobby... I couldn't just go downstairs and use their washing machine. So I waited...and waited...sometimes they didn't go to Polo Park or Grant Park...

August 1984 I was helping Dad deliver the 1984 Fall-Winter edition of the SEARS catalogue. I remember this was on a Friday because it was prayer meeting night, and I wanted to finish Renfrew St. before 6 pm to have Supper.

Weeks earlier I had spotted a glass Evenflo baby bottle on the kitchen shelf above the oven. All I needed was a time when the family was out and I could make some baby formula for myself and enjoy the taste again!

Tonight was the night...

So very shortly when everyone had left, I got the baby formula off the shelf, and put some milk, water, and corn syrup in it. Put it in a saucepan and heated it on HI for about 8 to 10 minutes.

While that was happening I put on a cloth diaper and then returned to the kitchen... I was 18 years old at the time, but I felt much much younger at the time.

 I went over to the b'droom, and began to suck baby formula in the bottle. It was just sooooo tasty... Sooooo good for me.... I loved every bit I drank.

What happens if urine soaks on a fabric, and if it is not cleaned within a certain time...it starts to shred... Or was that because I experimented with the Bleach?

All of the cloth diapers were pretty well in shreds...I had to throw them all away.

In 1985 I was left with using spare undershirts and pinning that on me.

On May 2, 1986, on the night of the opening ceremonies of Expo '86, I went to the Tuxedo IGA on Grant Avenue, and purchased a pkg. of large Huggies diapers. This cost me a bit as I was not working at the time.

The Huggies were too small for my almost 20 year old body, so I had to hold it in place by pinning a cloth diaper on top of it.

I remember going to another high school course like this, with of course a pair of jeans on top.

Rexy my Guardian Angel Incarnates To Help Me From Dangerous Ner' Do' Wells

I have been reading Doreen Virtue's book Divine (something)... The book describes how our angels help us in various times in our life.

In Summer 2011 I was going to the Mountain Co-Op store at the corner of Portage @ Donald. This corner is very dangerous and has been documented as such by a videographer, whose daughter was harrassed by aboriginal panhandlers.

My story / experience goes like this.

I was at the corner and an aboriginal man, who was very drunk asked me for some change. I copied his voice, and then one of them looked at me like he was going to attack me. I looked arouand to see if I could escape safely. Inside I called out to my guardian angel Rexy for help.

Right then a man wearing either a white jacket or a white shirt with blue jeans appears and tells these men to "leave him alone". He then said "come with me". We waited until the light changed to cross Portage Ave.

I was walking in the same direction as him, south along Donald St. against the arena building. I felt that this man was nice, and had no issues. I couldn't get any reading from him at all.

We parted company. Either he walked into the arena building or we parted, and he walked westward along Graham. I don't remember.

But I believe that my guardian angel incarnated for about 5 to 7 minutes to keep me from being physically attacked by those Natives, and then he went somewhere and went back into spirit form.

Thank you Rexy for keeping me safe from harm that day.

Recurring Nightmares About Elevators

Back in the day when the downtown Eaton's building was still standing, set in the 1980s after the elevator attendants were not used anymore. I used to have this reoccurring nightmare. The story goes like this:

I'd be going to the Eaton's store downtown, and it would be off hours I think. I'd get onto one of the middle elevators from the main floor. The inside was not fancy but was wooden plank walls. Maybe this was one of the freight elevators, I don't know.

Anyways, I'd get on, the doors would close and then the funny stuff would happen. I'd press a button for one of the floors. The elevator would start to move upwards. Then all the lights would start to flash randomly, and I'd miss my floor. The elevator would continue on its way, or it'd go down.

I couldn't reach my floor. It's as if the elevators had a consciousness -- a mind of their own. They seemed Angry at me or something.

Sometimes in my these nightmares, the elevator cage would go to the top and would fling its passengers out of the building, though I think that would never happen to me.

There was an investigation and nothing amiss would be found.

So during the 1980s when I'd be in one of the Eaton's elevators, and if I was alone by myself, I'd say to the elevator "to be nice to me".

This morning, Sunday, September 22, 2013 around 0900 I had a simliar nightmare, except that the elevator that was acting strangely was the ones in the Winnipeg Clinic, a unique building in our downtown.

In the nightmare the 3rd floor was some sort of commercialized area, including the property management offices for the WC. There was a Chinese woman, in her 30s that was wanting to go to that floor but it did not go there, and instead the elevator kept going up and up.

In dream interpretation, what does this mean? I'm sure it means something. Perhaps the Winnipeg Clinic is also at some point in Danger of being demolished for a newer building, I don't know yet.

Importance of Prayer

When I was little, in the early 1970s my Mom taught me to pray to God and Jesus before going to sleep.

Then I remember that I was left to pray by myself sometime a few years after that. I remember I did pray alone in the new home we moved to in 1975.

Then I can`t remmeber if I stopped praying when I was a kid.

Then in the 1982-1988 period I prayed one decade of the rosary with Mom, usually around 10:40 p.m. when The Journal was on CBC tv. That annoyed me because sometimes I really wanted to watch that segment of the show. I also attended St Jean Brebeuf Church and sang in the Choir in the Winter months and St. Iggys in the Summer.

When I moved out on my own in 1989 I stopped praying at home on my own, but I did still go to church every Sunday at St. Ignatius.

Sometime in 1990é91 I stopped going to Church but I started going again in 1992é93... I remember reading the Bible at home the Old Testament beginning 4 books.

Then I stopped sometime in the late 1990s.

Then I started going again and by 2000 stopped going but went again in early 2006 when I got Diabetes.

I really believe that my life troubles are because of a lack of prayer and a lack of going to church regularly.... We are most blessed and prosperous if we PRAY.... It`s there in the Bible that if we do so we are good, but if we STOP praying then we are considered `wicked`by God because evil can enter our lives.

I am slowly finding my way back to God and Jesus but I don`t know how much back I can get...all I can do is to say Ì`m sorry God for sinning against you` ... I`m sorry Jesus for sinning against you...

Lots of times in the past few years I have felt like I don`t want to live anymore, but I believe that thought comes from demons who want to see Humans destroyed. So now that I realize all that I want to be  counted as a child of God.

I know that God forgives us, and I hope that He can help me find my way back to some sense of normalcy and growth.

2012

I haven`t written anything since Spring 2012...too busy with `stuff`.

In May 2012 I had to move out my apt. block at 59 Donald where I had lived since 2004.
The previous year 2011 I had lost my job at Agriculture & Agri-Food Canada - FIPD - Agristability program...they laid off 150 of us. Since that time more will be laid off in the coming year...In the 2012 budget the Federal gov`t announced they were going to layoff 19,000 people in the next 3 years. So I`m not the only one going thru this... But if I had made choices a bit differently I might have still worked there or had better references to another job.

It has been 3 years since my Mom passed away. When she first passed I didn`t have feelings of loss that I missed her. But this past Christmas all those feelings came to me. I guess it was because I had lost so much in 2012...

Since that time I moved 3 or 4 places, and now am living in River Heights at a friend`s home. Most of my belongings are at a storage place.

I haven`t found work, but I have started to volunteer (doing data entry) at a non-profit organization.

May 2012 - Had to move out of apt. because they were renovating the block.

June 2012 - Was searching for another home.

July 2012 - Moved to a rental home on Jessie Avenue.

October 2012 - Took my two cats Tiger and Herbie to the Humane Society to be euthanizaed. While my family and friends were pressuring me to  `get rid of your cats` that didn`t necessarily mean putting them down to death.

November 2012 - Moved to my school mate friend`s home in River Heights.

I have successfully retrieved my DVDs, CDs, RCA CED`s. Most of my books are still in storage.

While at that home on Jessie Avenue I did get motivated a bit more to cook for myself and did learn how to cook a chicken breast.

While I have been saying in the past few years that I would like to have a roommate so that we can maintain the place together, it doesn`t really work that way. ... The home on Jessie Avenue wasn`t really maintained except for by me and one of the other tenants.

I really miss the apt. I lived at in the 1990s and early 2000s...87 Smith St...despite it being just a large bachelor suite....It had radiator heat which kept the space really warm.

The place at 59 Donald St I liked but I was already getting physically sick by the time I had moved there, and so I had a difficult time with energy to keep it clean. What really happened was that had been drinking distilled water which doesn`t have Magnesium required for muscle strength...so over the years my muscles felt really weak. Fixed that by switching to spring water. If I were still working I would have bought a water fountain machine and purchased the water from a local company.

While having a roommate is fine, I no longer have any cats to keep me company. For example when I`d come back from somewhere the cats would always be waiting to greet me at the door. ... Now when I come back, my friend is usually gone to work or is sleeping.

I really made a mess of my life in the past few years, and I believe what happened was that I stopped praying and stopped going to church. Then while I would still get blessed in life by syncchronicities and such, everything eventually caught up to me in 2011 and 2012.

I have returned to attending church again and pray one decade of the rosary every day.

But still ... I am left with the consequences of MY actions in the workplace and at my parent`s home.... I believe that if I had prayed and had gone to church and not fallen away that I would have had a better work and apartment reference to continue to be prosperous... And maybe Mom would have been alive still (she died of LiverGallbladder cancer) to see her grandkids grow up.

I guess I was really satisfied with all that I had built up...the books, the electronic home theatre system, the clothing, the cats, the papers, the dvds, cds, and ced`s... I had started to take it all for granted and say to God `thank you for all that you had given me`.

For example, two things happened in July 2007 that were `divine`...

One - One Saturday I had an urge to visit the flea market on Ellice Avenue...so I did and lo and behold I found this RCA SGT 200 Stereo CED player with a few videodiscs... for $75.

Two - Had planned to go to Minneapolis MN with my sister Pat but a bridge had collapsed. So we chose to go to Chicago instead.... Lo and behold my transit friend Dallas Hansen had just moved to Chicago at the beginnning of July and was going to stay there for a bit...So if we chose to go to Chicago then we`d have someone that we know show us around so we wouldn`t be there alone...

THANK YOU GOD THE FATHER FOR FINDING ME THAT RCA CED VIDEODISC PLAYER...AND THANK YOU GOD FOR ARRANGING FOR DALLAS TO BE IN CHICAGO AT THE TIME WE WERE PLANNING A TRIP! AND THANK YOU GOD THE FATHER FOR KEEPING PAT AND I SAFE FROM THAT THUNDERSTORM WHEN WE WERE ON THE INTERCITY BUS THAT DAY IN AUGUST 2007. AMEN, ALLELUIA. PRAISE GOD, THANK YOU GOD, PRAISE YOU JESUS, THANK YOU JESUS.

Now I pray that God keeps me safe on the path for me and that I be kept healthy and my finances improve and that I find paid work that will pay my expenses. I also pray that I will find another apt. or home or whatever God has in His plan for me. I`d really like to keep my laptop with all the stuff and the CDs and other stuff. I pray that God help in my situation that my belongings will be returned to me for my use again.

Horse Stable Turned Greek Restaurant

I can sense energies around me, in people, in places, in animals...

One such place I sense old energies is at the Pembina Village Restaurant (333 Pembina Hwy., Winnipeg MB).

When I have gone in there, I can sense that this space, around and before 100 years ago, used to be a Horse Stable.

Recently when I was eating there, I "asked the universe" how many horses were boarded there.

I got the number range ... between 14 and 16 horses.

So that would be 7 or 8 on each side of the stable.

I also saw in my mind's eye, two tall stainless steel canisters, kind of like the  ones that are used  for milking cows. I wonder what those canisters were for...did they contain fresh water for the horses to drink from? Did they contain feed?

Also I feel the reason why this space has the old energy of what is was at the turn of the 20th century...the actual building is still standing...it is just the use that is different.

For further information about this I would have to call the Manitoba Historical Society...they would be able to tell me what the name of the stable was, and how many stallls there were...

Moonwalker is...

After viewing a video on Youtube about spirit guides and who they might be, mine told me this morning that she is...

Your mother's grandmother, "on the other side of the family".

She is now saying that she is Rosalia Sokalski?

UPDATE: She has said that she is Catherine Jaworski, who my my Grandpa's Mother.

Staying cute for the next few hundred years

I decided to sage/smudge with white sage my Solar Plexus Chakra and my Sacral Chakra areas. These are best done by oneself at home.

So after I did this, Moonwalker says to me:

It is good that you saged your Solar Plexus and Sacral  Chakras. Doing so will help you stay cute.

Mom upate April 2012

I was asking to communicate with my Mom, as last year she commuicated around Easter weekend.

Moonwalker gave this update...

She said that Rose/Mom was not feeling well. Not doing well 'in the curriculum in heaven'.

"It will be a LONG, LONG time before she comes back (reincarnates again)".

"She is laying on her bed with her best friend".

When I asked who this best friend of hers was, Moonwalker said "your Grandmother's Uncle".

I don't know who what his name was, but since "Baba" was born in Jan. 1900 this Uncle of hers would have been born in the 19th century/1800s A.D.

Boat Sinking Nightmare

The other night I had a dream/nightmare that I recall I've had before, possibly 2 or 3 decades ago...I cannot remember the beginning of it...Sorry didn't write it down in a dream journal...but it ends like this...

I am in the rear right seat of a sedan-like car... I am with my family. We are moving off of a boat-launch like pad...and we're moving into the waters...until the car sinks into this water and the whole car is surrounded by this water and then the dream/nightmare ends.

I can't recall when in my life I had this particular dream/nightmare. Was I going thru some hard times and maybe this is symbolic of it?