What IF in 1971...

This story is totally fictional. It is based on today's values of letting kids be kids and letting them grow up at their PACE, rather than the pace that the parents want.

It is based on What IF I had been allowed to continue my babyhood into age 5.

It's 6 am.  Baby James opens his eyes in his crib. His legs are almost reaching the other end. Soon he'll have to move to a twin sized mattress, but for now he's ok sleeping here.

He's just wearing an undershirt, a cloth diaper and blue coloured plastic pants. James feels loved and confident. He has a younger baby sister who is about half his age.

It's May 1971 and James will be 5 yrs. old in about 2 months.

The weather has been warmer, Victoria Day weekend is the start of the growing season in this part of Earth. Winter is gone for another 5 months.

James crys out "Mom! I'm awake. I need a clean diaper".

"OK, I'll be there in a minute", says Mom.

She enters the room, lowers the crib side and tells him to slide out of the diaper, and go to the bathtub to get cleaned up.

He does this and after a while, he confidently trots back to the crib where his Mom would put a clean diaper on his son. James has subconscious memories of being a Zebra, but doesn't quite remember.

James' Mom carries him back into the crib, and lays him there.

James feels so good inside because his Mom is allowing him to keep his babyhood and is did not take it away from him like most other parents did. He is soooo happy 'being in the moment' as they say.

"Whatcha gonna do today?" asks his Mom?

"Can we go to 'ssiniboine Park?" queries James.

"We can go on the weekend together", and James' Mom tickles her boy on the tummy.

She wraps the cloth diaper on him, which feels soft, warm, and cuddly. Then she slips the plastic pants over his legs. Next she puts on a clean undershirt on him because the one he had during the nighttime got a bit wet with urine.

"Uh uh uh mmm mmm".

"OK, I'm getting your formula".

She prepares the baby bottle for James, and he lays down across her on the sofa, while they both enjoy watching the tv programme on KCND channel 12 from Pembina, ND.

It's now about 7:30 am.

James' younger sibling, also gets her baby formula, a clean diaper too.

Still more time elapses...

It's now 10 am and The Friendly Giant is broadcast on CBWT (the local CBC station).

James loves hearing the calm, soothing sounds of the recorder that one of the puppets plays (actually played by a Human off camera). He feels so good inside and looks forward to the rest of the day.

It's now 10:30 am and Mr. Dressup appears on CBWT. James likes the show, but thinks that Friendly Giant should have had more air time. His Mom prepares some barley baby cereal for him, his favourite, although he has looked at the supermarket shelf when his Dad has taken him shopping and noticed that barley isn't stocked as much as rice and oatmeal. His next favourite is sobey baby cereal which is made from soybeans, another flavour that is not well stocked.

11 o'clock and now it's time for Sesame Street, with Ernie and Bert, Cookie Monster and the rest of the cast. James likes this programme because he learns the ABCs and 123s.

Somewhere in the middle of Sesame Street James has wet his diaper, and Mom will be checking him to see if he's wet or not.

"I'm ready to put a clean diaper on you, because you're wet".

James gets up off the living room carpeted floor, and goes back to the crib.

The sun is shining very hot today. James' room is getting warmer. He can smell the scent of baby powder, clean cloth diapers in the basket in the room. He has a subconscious connection with Owls, but he does not know where this comes from.

He gets into the crib again, and Mom puts a clean diaper on him. She leaves off the plastic pants and just pins on the diaper on him.

It's about 11:40 am now.

"What do you want for lunch, dear?"

"Oh, I'll have a salami sandwich with some apple juice".

"Ok, I think we still have some salami, if not is a jam sandwich ok instead?"

"Yup".

James hops off the crib and runs to the kitchen. His Mom finds the last slice of salami meat and makes him a sandwich with mustard and margarine. She pours him a cup of apple juice from the fridge.

A couple of hours later, Mom is watching her favourite soap opera, Anothe World. James is also watching too. He thinks that Rachel and Mac shouldn't get divorced and break up their family like that. "People should stay 'gether Mom".

After Another World is finished, James has an afternoon nap on the sofa, and doesn't wake until about 5:30 pm.

James awakes from his nap and pees. His Mom had placed a couple of towels under his diaper so that the sofa doesn't get damaged from the urine.

Time for another diaper before Supper.

His Dad is now home, reading the daily newspapers.

After that James sits on his Dad's lap and they watch the local news on CJAY channel 7.

It's now 7:30 pm and James is feewing sleepy. He can barely keep his eyes open. His Mom carries him back to the crib and raises the side where it makes a clicking sound.

Another day has gone by.

Tomorrow James and his Mom will go on the bus to downtown to do some shopping at Eaton's and The Bay.

Goodnight Baby James...

Say NO To Nursery Rhymes

My two future sons have indicated to me recently that they want me to NOT read them nursery rhymes when they are young.

They have stated that nursery rhymes can damage a child's mind.

I am OK with that.

When I was younger 40+ years ago, I felt the same way.

I feel that it is in the past 20-30 years that western civilization has realized this truth too, and has moved onto better kids literature.

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/matthew-archbold/the-horrible-meanings-behind-nursery-rhymes

The article above says that reading Harry Potter to yer kids may be a safer option.

Am I A Man Child?

I have been described by my son Andrew as being a "man child". He says that some women don't like being with people like me. He says it makes them "uncomfortable".

Well, here is a list of 13 man-child qualities that some men have. I don't exactly line up with this list. The last ones do though.

http://collegetimes.com/2014/05/13/signs-youre-man-child

1. Watching cartoons while eating breakfast - I used to when I was a toddler, like in the late 1960s. Then at school age I started watching ABC's GMA in the 70s. By the 1980s I'd wach CTV's Canada AM. The 90s tv was icky and news breakfast tv was crap too.

2. Breakfast consists of sugary cereals - Uhhh...another NO. Until I was in grade 2 I was allowed baby cereal. More heathy for me...In high school in the 80s I would have no-name oatmeal hot cereal. When I moved out on my own (1989) I went back to the baby cereal, and on and off of it in the 90s, and 2000s, and 2010s. It's just more healthy than some of those crunch sugary cereals... I love the Barley cereal the best.

3. Wears superhero socks and PJs. Uh close. I did have made for me back in 2005 a PJ with a lamb/sheep print from Babykins. In the 90s I found at Woolco an adult sized fleece sleepers for $20.

4. Pixar & Disney your favourite films. Yes, some of the movies I saw. Toy Story 1 & 2, Tarzan (1998). But I like a movie if it has a good music score, good dialogue, believable enough plot. It can also be an adult movie I like. I don't go out for Romantic films except if they're romantic a romantic comedy - like Manequin (1986).

5. Need to take a nap. Yup, thru my own evolution on planet Earth I find I have more energy if I get a nap in the afternoon. Some Asian countries (Japan) and Mexico (?) also have afternoon naps, and they seem to be doing fine.

6. Laughs at potty humour. I find potty humour revolting, so NO on this one.

7. Gets read a story before rest/sleep. I'd LOVE it if someone would do this for me. Even CBC doesn't have radio plays anymore. In the 90s I'd have some Jazz music on the radio while reading PC Magazine or BYTE...ya that's kids reading material. NOT.

8. His favourite band has not changed in years. I have been a fan of Phil Collins and Genesis since the early 1980s. They are both retirement mode. I have moved on to other groups/bands/individuals.

9. Favourite author is Dr. Seuss. Nah. My favourite author just passed away THIS YEAR... Knowlton Nash, who wrote the excellent biography of Canadian broadasting in 'Microphone Wars' (1994).

10. Favourite poem is a nursery rhyme. No again. My favourite 'poems' tend to be Rock & Pop lyrics. I do enjoy childish tunes too though....take Carly Simon's Coming Around Again-Itsy Bitsy Spider for example.

11. Has baby biscuits on him at all times. Sort of. Maybe when I first moved out I had Mr. Cristie's arrowroot cookies at home, and would put honey on them, and have them with a glass of milk. Now honey is as expensive as maple syrup ($9). In the past 2 years I have been eating choc. puff cookies because I had a craving for those. I do eat my fruit like strawberries, pears and peaches to balance things out too.

12. Still makes pillow forts. No. However, I do like to decorate my sleeping space similar to a nursery though. If I had a wife though I guess I couldn't do that, but then we'd have kids and could decorate *their* room like that for a while...

13. Sleeps with a cuddle toy. Yup, I still have a 1988 era Teddy bear I bought from Superstore. He's a bit flattened out because I have used him as a secondary pillow, but ...

OK, that's it. So I'm not exactly like was listed here by the original poster.

TV5 (1989-90) Fabienne Thibeault -

Decades ago I was watching TV5's Telidon based schedule in the middle of the morning.

I caught this really cool, haunting French tune, which was from 1978, but this was the first time I heard it in the late 1980s.

I q, just postiung here so I cqn re,e,ber the link to the song:

Fabienne Thibeault ~ Les uns contre les autres 

 http://youtu.be/f_pRyIiuq7s 

 

The DROUGHT Will END Within This Lifetime!

Andrew said the other day... "Making the Impossible Possible" in reference to changing my life fast enough so that I can have my own family - a Wife that's good for me, and two sons that are good for me.

The past 15,000 years have been a "drought" for me in terms of having offspring. I was told that about 15,000 years ago I had Whale offspring, and they "swam away" which is natural for that type of animal.

I want to END the drought, and learn to have kids again.

Praise the Creator! Praise Jesus! Thank you Creator! Thank you Jesus!

4 People Witness Angels Pulling People From Car Wreck!!!

Portal Between Our Plane and Heaven

I have figured out that when one of my guides says they're going up to Heaven, I can hear a tone frequency. I assume that this is what I experience when they are returning to Heaven after visiting with me, and that on their side they experience going thru the tunnel of light.

When I mentioned this last night Moonwalker added that she can open and close 3 portals. Each has a  Portal Name, and each can transport one instantly anywhere around this planet, to/from Heavenly realm. A third Portal accesses the Akashic Records for their charges.

There is a Portal Name that can connect us via Interstellar Communications to other star systems, like Alpha ********* my home star system before Sol, 500 ly away. I was told that I could send a msg. to Higher Consciousness of the planets of Alpha ********* 1 or 2, and that it'd take a while (several hours / days?) for them to receive the msg. and return one back to me. Andrew said to let him know when I've received the first communications from that star system.

All I said was:

"May the Creator bless your whole planet, from a former Alpha ******ian. Love LilZebra"

As of 19h36 19 aout 2014 I have not yet heard anything back.

I will write here when I do. But remember, I have been advised by Andrew not to reveal the name of the star system I came from.

Stephen's Animal Past Lives

Stephen spent some time this evening telling me of his animal past lives:

"I was a Tiger", "I was a Whale", "I was a Horse", "I was a Chimpanzee", "I was a Hallucinogenic Herb" (?), "I was a Hurricane".

"My last Human life I lived in Poland, close to the border with Ukraine, in the Crimea"


Interesting.

Modified Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel

Since I have joined the Cenacle group prayers with my friend in November 2012 I have included the Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel...my version is modified to be simpler / easlier to say than the original.

Here's my version:

"St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in the battle against the snares and wickedness of Demons and Satan. BIND them and keep them safely away from us so they cannot harm us physically or spiritually, until they change their ways to be Beings of Light. Because they roam through this and other worlds, seeking the ruin of souls."

Andrew was listening to me just now praying the prayers as he has since July 17th, 2014.
His version adds a bit:

"St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in the battle against the snares and wickedness of Demons and Satan, monsters, and Spirit Guides that are not Spirit Guides..."

Andrew has advised that I regularly do deep breathing to raise my consciousness.

Tonight he said: "In the name of Jesus Christ your defenses are low," meaning that I need to eliminate all negativity from my consciousness in order to have more good in my life.

LOL. See, he's so good at helping me, and has a sense of humour.

Subway Restaurant Bread - YUCK!

I've really been going after Subway resto this past few days, after my bad experience with their food ... on Sunday and Wednesday.

There is just something wrong with the bread, still, after the company promised it wouldn't use a chemical used in the mfg. of yoga mats in their bread.

To me it tasted like foam cushion. It goes down easily and is light, but it don't taste anything like bread is supposed to. Is this part of the Transhumanism project?

So until they change, I'm just gonna avoid eating there.

Not much other options though... TH hires Temp. Foreign Workers, Subway adds rubber to their bread. McDonald's and BK - doesn't taste like food anymore.

A&W is still good, and they recently (a year or two ago) reduced the amount of salt in their burgers and fries. Their food is good. For now.

Sals is good, as a regional resto. Stella's is good as an all day breakfast resto.

CNN - Subway promises to remove chemical rubber from bread recipe

My Life Plan - BINDING and LOOSING

God, continue to help me manifest my life plan I agreed to before I was born... This includes:

* my two (future) sons - Andrew & Stephen, and possibly a daughter (Meghan?)
* a wife
* a job that I can handle
* large enough home that we can afford and maintain
* a vehicle to transport our family to places
* to afford a tutor or have someone in our family tutor our kids - home schooling
* enough $ to pay for really great vacations, including to warmer places during the winter.

* for help in finding and KEEPING my future wife/partner.

* for understanding by my future wife, to see past my weaknesses, and that I'd see past her weaknesses

* I LOOSE the required finances on our family to provide us with the BEST opportunities and experiences we can have.

* I BIND anything negative that would sabotage this Life Plan, and sabotage not just mine, but all above mentioned!

* I LOVE YOU Andrew, Stephen, Meghan (?), my future wife.

* I love you God, in all that God IS.

It's Time to have a Family. ... But first I must find a place to stay.

Andrew & Stephen's LIKES & DISLIKES

Andrew


 Music

Likes

1. early Madonna
2. Angel in my Pocket by One to One
3. A 3 Dressed Up As a 9 by Trooper
4. Goodbye, Goodbye by Tegan and Sara

Dislikes
Adult Education by Hall & Oates
Some Bruce Springsteen

Hobbies / Reading

Race Cars
Tennis (his favourite game, was tops in amateur adult league)
Raquetball ("I also like, because it's fun")
Likes sister (future Aunt) Pat's red Hyundi car. Said "Wheeeee" when he had a ride in Pat's Hyundi on 2nd August 2014 (in spirit of course).

Foods

Eggs Sunny side up
Peanut butter & Jam Toast


Stephen

Alpha ********* Star System

After asking several times which star system I came from before Sol (our sun), I found out today.

Leading up to this information was this.

I was asking Andrew where the ET ear implant came from... from his star system or mine?

He said it came from his, in the Aldebaran star system.

Then I thought, OK, is it possible that *I* could have also come from Aldebaran, prior to 28,000 years ago in time?

"No, you come from another place" was the reply.

I then asked what is the name of the star system where I'm from...

"Alpha "*********".

There is no such star named yet. The closest I can find on the Internet is one named by Earth scientists - Kepler 186. which is also about 500 ly away.
 
 He looked up some information and said that Alpha ********* is about 500 ly away and that it's a "pinkish red star".

I had some errands to run today...get my bike from the shop ... it was the Rear Derailleur that was worn out ... $22.

 Then I went to Polo Park to MTS Connect to put more air time on my cell phone $33.

Then I went to The Apple Store and used one of their iPads to search Wikipedia on 'Alpha *********' .... NOTHING...that doesn't mean the information is incorrect. It just means that the star probably goes by a number designation by NASA or some other space organization.

I asked him why Moonwalker didn't have the information. He said that she just couldn't access it.

I'm OK with keeping the ET ear implant, if it has some connection with the Aldebaran beings. I guess it serves some useful purpose.

PS: I was told by Andrew NOT to reference the name of the star system because it would disrupt the natural order of things. It is not for me to release the name of this star system before its time. So sorry there. Hopefully one day by the right people.

PS: He also said it was NOT Kepler 186 that I am from.

PS: The star system has at least two planets - 1 & 2. I had lived on '1' for one lifetime and spent the other (250,000 years) on '2', then came to Sol.

Cabin cabin cabin

Years ago, sometime in the late 1990s, I had some communications with my future son.
I asked him to tell me more about himself. I remember the moment. It was around midnight and I was standing right at my ghetto blaster portable stereo.

He said "Cabin cabin cabin" which means "Working for (some) cabin time".

Back then there was no outlet, aside from a personal journal, to share this information. Also I did not (yet) believe in reincarnation or that there was life in other star systems.

When I asked him again to tell me about his life in the Aldebaran star system, he repeated the saying "We'd say ... Cabin cabin cabin" which means "working for cabin time".

The other thing he told me was "we'd say 'How's your morning?" instead of "good morning" to others.

So the cabin bit most likely means that, in his recent past life in the Aldebaran system, his family had rented a cabin and that to get there his (Dad?) would have to save up for a bit to live there in the Summer".

Andrew: Star Child from Aldebaran

I heard from an elder ET presence last night. He spoke very clearly and slowly so that I could hear him the first time.

He said that he was from the Aldebaran star system (65 light years, K5III type, Orange, 'off of main seq.), and so was my future first born son Andrew.

He said that both Andrew and I would basically have to tweak our life plans if we still want to eventually be father and son. Said that this would be Andrew's first lifetime on Earth.

This means that he is one of the many Star Children on Earth, waiting to be born so that they can help transform this planet into something more beautiful.
Already I have experienced Andrew giving me a Reiki session, where he adjusted my Solar Plexus and Crown chakras by making them brighter. Moonwalker has focused more on herbal remedies to heal my Diabetes and Morgellons symptoms.

From the CrystalLinks.com website, the Star Child page says this about these types of souls:

Physical

• 65% are female: 35% are male
• Compelling eyes
• Great magnetism and personal charisma
• Sensitive to electricity and electromagnetic fields
• Lower body temperature than the norm
• Chronic sinustis
• Extra or transitional vertebra
• Hypersensitivity to sound, light, odors
• Swollen or painful joints
• Pain in the back of the neck
• Adversely affected by high humidity
• Survived a life-threatening illness
• Involved in a severe accident or trauma

Emotional

• Feel a tremendous sense of urgency to fulfill their missions
• Experienced a sense of oneness with the universe
• Many have difficulty dealing with / or expressing emotions or have a chemical imbalance

Extraterrestrial Experiences

• All believe in life on other planets
• Most believe that have lived on another planet and can tell you about it
• At an early age they had some kind of extraterrestrial, religious or mystical experience
• Believe they have encountered alien entities of an extraterrestrial or multidimensional level or a being of light
• Telepathic communication with an alien entity - physical or non-physical
• They receive some form of communication from a higher source

Out of Body Experiences

• Near Death Experiences
• Out of Body Experiences

Metaphysics

• Believe in their spirit guides or angel
• Believe they have been blessed after the appearance of a holy figure
• An intense religious experience
• Believe in a God or creational source of energy
• Believe in miracles
• Had an invisible playmate as a child
• Saw an elf - "wee person" - or "fairy"
• Saw a ghost
• Aware of parallel existence at this time in other worlds
• Contact with deceased loved one
• Believe in reincarnation
• Have past life memories or / memories from parallel experiences

Psychic Development

• Perform healing themselves and others

• Experienced a white light during meditation

• Experience clairvoyance and clairaudience

• Prophetic dreams or visions that have come to pass

• See auras

• Practice automatic art

• Practice automatic writing

External links:

Star Seeds - Star Children
Starchildren.info - Star Children
Wikipedia - Aldebaran (star)

Youtube:

Full Moon, Jupiter and Aldebaran 

Do Souls in Heaven Sleep/Rest?

Contrary to what we might think or what is taught...

When we die and spend some time in Heaven, we don't just stay awake in the 24/7 daylight.

In my experience, going by my phasing trance state in 2010, 2011, and last night...

...souls in Heaven get sleepy too, or do they just lose energy when they lower themselves to our plane to interact with us, the incarnate?

Last night, I was playing some music on CD till late in the night, around 01h30.

I was playing ABBA Waterloo (1974) and Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits (2000).

Whitney Houston - You Give Good Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaT9NjgUNyE

ABBA - Sitting in the Palm Trees
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQmnaYDi8y8

I sensed, who I thought was Stephen, leaning against my right side as I was sitting on my bed listening to ABBA's Waterloo album (rel. in 1974) was very sleepy by about 1h00... I played the CD till 130...In a real situation, I would have turned off the music eariler.

So I turned off the music, and 'carried' the boy to the sofa in the living room.

Now, at this time I cannot see him, only felt a bit of a electrical buzz on my right pinky finger as I was carrying him.

He was very very sleepy.

I went back to my room, and straightened out my comforter, then returned to the living room.

The boy I sensed was heavily asleep, with his head turned towards the sofa. He's not gonna wake up because the music was too loud for too long and its already 1h30 in the morning.

I went back to my room, turned off the lights and before I went to sleep, Moonwalker said to me:

"He's fine on the sofa" and
"He's breaking up. He needs to go back to Heaven".

and...

"That was not Stephen that you carried, that was Andrew"

"Huh? I think I quite know Andrew's energy signature by now, after all I've known him since the mid-1980s or mid-1990s"

Homelessness: Assigning Blame Isn't A Solution

Floyd Perras, a columnist with the Winnipeg Sun, and works at Siloam Mission, cautions us not to blame homeless people for being ("choosing") to be homeless.

For me, it's not a choice. For me, what I really want would be to live in a home with others, somewhere where my "baby self" can be respected and acknowledged. I've been told though, that "no one is going to baby a 48 yr. old"... So absent of that, I choose homelessness. And with that is going about stuff in my 'adult self' like volunteering, spending time with friends.

A voice cries out in the wilderness...

Here's the link to the column:

http://www.winnipegsun.com/2014/07/24/assigning-blame-isnt-a-solution

Those citizens who are homeless, are not always to blame for their predicament.

In my case it, it has just been decade upon decade of abuse and even more so, _neglect_ of MY needs.

And actually, when you look at my life, as an autistic gay man, I've been lucky enough to have worked as much as I have in the past 40 years in the various jobs I've had - newspaper carrier, flyer distribtion, fast food crew member, data entry clerk, public speaker, webmaster...

Sure, I didn't have a VCR in the early 1980s when tv was better. Sure I didn't have other stuff, like a 'real' (long) train ride on CN or VIA Rail when I was growing up.
Sure, the only compliments *I* got were from my Trib and Sun customers.

But I guess it's all for something, isn't it? It's all for soul progress/soul growth in the end...

So, 10,000 years or 100,000 years from now I will be stronger as a soul, more resilient, just like my Guardian Angel...not moving from his values.

Course: Planning Your Life

The other day (Sunday 20-juillet) to be exact), I wrote on here that both Andrew and Stephen, my two future sons said that they at first could not go on to Assiniboine Park with me that day. They said that they were taking a course that was important to them.

I let go and let them take this course. Afterwards, around 3 pm Moonwalker my spirit guide announced to me that both boys were ready to go to the Park.

By Tuesday I was wondering, what was the subject matter or title of this course they are taking in Heaven?

Andrew told me that the name or subject of the course is:

Planning Your Life

I guess this is just one session out of many for that particular detail about planning one's life path before incarnating to Earth.

Race Cars & Reiki

My future son, Andrew and I were chatting last night.

I asked him what hobbies or books he likes. He said:

"Car books".

So I asked him to give more detail. What kind of car books?

"Race cars".

This morning I went to the River Heights Library. There are two books that come the closest:

1) DK Eyewitness Books - Cars: Discover the story of cars - from the earliest horseless carriages to the modern supercar

2) DK Car Crazy: Awesome autos > blazing bikes > terrific trucks

The rest of the collection in the 629.222 section has to do with service vehicles, construction equipment, etc... not race cars.

That's what I so much disliked about coming to this small branch. It lacks variety.

Then I went onto the Internet and found a recent broadcast of the 2014 Daytona 500 broadcast on FOX last February.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHx_cS_DsjE

Before that round of questions I had said that it'd be nice to have Reiki and Massage, but I can't afford it.

Andrew said for me to lay down on my tummy, and to rest my head straight.

I could feel warmth on the mid part of my back, and also on the top of my head.

He said "You have issues with your Solar Plexus and your Crown Chakra". To confirm, my first Reiki practitioner also said the same about my Solar Pexus chakra. This is the point that affects self image and how we feel others perceive us.

Then also said "You need to take the (oregano) oil every day for the next month so that you can have improved psychic experiences".

At the end of the 15 min. Reiki session, Andrew said "Your Solar Plexus chakra has been restored".

Moonwalker said "Thank you Andrew". Of course I also said thank you too.

Both my future kids spent time with me on Sunday afternoon at Assiniboine Park... I lay on the grass near the prairie dog area near Lyric Stage...while both boys I could sense (not see) sitting on the nearby bench.

Andrew said to me that he'd try and find a girlfriend for me... I guess I've never asked him before to do that ... Hey, I (and possibly you) helped find Mom and Dad while before we were born.

Men / Dad's Seeing Preborn Kids in Dreams or Trance State

I know it's almost common knowledge that women can sometimes see their future kids in their dreams.
Some have seen their future kids as far back as 10 years prior to birth them.
But because "future kids" are in spirit, in Heaven, and men are made of the same "star stuff" (soul and spirit) as women are...
...

Why is it not shared amongst men that they can sometimes see their future kids before they're born?

Here's one anecdotal story of a mother seeing his son play with her husband 5 months before he's born...

http://paranormal.about.com/od/lifeafterdeathreincarnat/a/Life-Before-Birth_2.htm

Assiniboine Park with Andrew, Stephen

My two future kids, Andrew (appears as a 7 yr. old boy) and Stephen (appears as a 3 1/2 yr. old boy) spent some time with me on the weekend. They are not yet incarnated, they are spirits who live in Heaven.

They said 'yes' to accompanying me to Assiniboine Pk. Sunday, but only after they had taken a course in Heaven. I don't know what subject this course was about. Andrew told me that I too had taken the same course once in the past (between lives) a LONG time ago. I guess I'll have to ask him what course it was.

This was a chance for me to be like a parent and give the priority to my future kids...They can accompany me, after they had completed the session of the course.

So around 3 pm I woke up from a nap. My friend had walked in the door, and Moonwalker my guide whispered in my ear:

Moonwalker: Do you still want to go to the Park? Your kids are READY.

Jim: Yes, I'm ready to go now.

So I got dressed and went by bus to Assiniboine Park.

We got off at Kelvin bus stop. I know I'm supposed to get off at Park, but the bus is just going so fast. I missed this same stop last February too, but alas, there was no snow this time.

Even though I can't see them, I sensed that at first, my two future sons walked behind me, then they walked in front of me later on.

So after spending some time at the Duck Pond ... there were actually Ducks there, no Geese...We went off to where the Groundhogs(?) / Prairie Dogs were.

I could sense that the boys sat at one of the benches, while I lay on the grass.

And then I / we crossed over the pedestrian bridge, and the 11 Portage bus came at that moment.

I sensed that they had gotten bored, and left me by the time the bus got back to Polo Park.

Later on, back home I lay down to rest because it was +32 C outside and no air. conditioning inside...

I heard Andrew say; emphasize one of the words:

"You've given UP.

You're living in the past."

He also said "I can help you, if you'll let me."

Of course he has something in it for him and his younger brother. If he were to help me in whatever way that is, including finding his Mom / my Wife/parter ...then they could incarnate and we'd be a family.

Yeah, OK guys, if you can help me, in my Broken state -- no job, no home, broken teeth (who'd wanna kiss THAT?)

Mommy? "Yes" "No"

Last night I asked my future sons - Andrew and Stephen ... if they like a certain woman of child bearing age (currently 35) if they'd like it if she was their Mom.

One boy said "Yes", the other said "No"... They said it one after the other.

Seeing My Future Son Andrew Again...

Came home yesterday early evening, after volunteering... Had some dinner, then lay down for a bit...

I heard in my left ear the following:

Other Spirit = early middle age woman.

Other Spirit: How much (money) does he have?

Moonwalker: Not much.

I heard this conversation for about 30 to 45 seconds.

Then I heard the Other Spirit address me and say:

Other Spirit: Mr. Jaworski we're going to pray for YOU.

Me: Who Me?

Other Spirit: Yes YOU.

Later on I asked Moonwalker how many spirits were in the room with us. She started counting, and reach 50.

Moonwalker: There are 50 Souls in the Room.

Still later on...

One of my future sons, either Andrew or Stephen, told me to go into the washroom so that I can see him.

I didn't act on that until Wednesday night after 10h30.

I saw the back of Andrew's head, his hair, which is NOT Blonde, but I think is more medium Blonde / Brown or so. I cannot say exactly because in spirit, from Heaven, I can only see them in Greyscale (B&W). Andrew showed me the back of his head of hair so I could recognize more clearly and map what the colour would be if he were in colour.

Some background is in order.

Back in early 2010 I had had another boy spirit who called himself Jolly Roger Boy. He had visited me when I had gone into my apt. washroom to go into trance state because there are no windows there and the room was very dark.

"Jolly Roger 14 Year Old Boy" I'd call out to him.

He had visited my workplace, as a spirit of course, in late 2010 and I asked him what he thought of my work. He said to me "It looks boring". Awww.....

He had even slept with me on a few occasions because I felt something against my back and I had checked at the time, it was NOT one of my cats.

Anyways Jolly Roger Boy stopped visiting me in February 2010 because I had not been able to keep a promise to him of not leaking - wetting beyond the capacity of my Tranquility ATN diaper. My blood sugar was high and when it is like that I tend to pee very often...I call it the "3 minute pee". So after Jolly Roger Boy left me, one day I heard a very loud, but sweet boy's voice about the age of 3 1/2 years say to my right ear "Come see what we look like! Come see what we look like!"

I told the boy spirit that I wasn't interested because the one who had left me I had loved so much because he was so peaceful and serene around me. And who is "we"?

Well I got into the washroom and after about 5 minutes of getting into trance state, I started to see one older boy of about 7 yrs. and the other about 3 1/2...

Around that time, prior or after, I had recorded an EVP where the boys introduced themselves as:

"I'm Andrew." "I'm Stephen" "and I'm ..." I can't remember the adult man's name, but it seems like he's their caregiver in Heaven. Haven't heard from him since, but the boys kept in contact with me through 2010 and into 2011.

One day I went to meditation group in Spring of 2010... and I guess my soul vibration was high enough, and I actually invited Andrew and Stephen to come along with me and my friend to meditation class.

I remember they were talking to me and giggling or something. I heard them for a bit and I said that I need to concentrate on meditation and that they'd have to be quiet for a few minutes.

I used to see the boys tousling their hair, rubbing their eye if they were tired and it was after 20h30 (8:30 pm). They used to wave at me. There wasn't anything else we could do besides wave and smile and pat their hair (I felt a mild electrical buzz).

One evening I was on my mattress, and I looked up at my bookshelf and I saw Andrew, sitting on my bookshelf, pointing his hand and index finger at me and smiling. He was basically saying...

"I know you can see me, cause I can see YOU!"

So, it's been about 3 years since that time.

Moonwalker, my great grandmother has been the majority of communication with Heaven since that time.

So this week was the first in 3 years since I saw Andrew, my possible future son.

I'd like to have him be my Human son, but I don't have enough $ and I don't have a job.

I want my two sons not to live off of EIA...I don't want them to learn to depend on that.

So, who'd be the right Mommie for my boys?

Jolly Roger Boy stopped

http://www.psychic-experiences.com/real-psychic-story.php?story=4352

BLOG FWD: There is no such thing as an Autistic Adult

http://pensiveaspie.wordpress.com/2014/07/14/there-is-no-such-thing-as-an-autistic-adult/

Of course this is ABSOLUTELY, 100% NOT TRUE, but this is something I am told every day by the media and organizations that claim to “support Autism.”

When I first suspected I had Asperger’s, I immediately began looking for more information about a diagnosis and support. A google search of Autism and Jacksonville, FL was hopeful. So many resources! CARD (Center for Autism and Related Disabilities). The HEAL (Healing Every Autistic Life) Foundation. Jacksonville School for Autism. The Learning Tree. There is even an annual Autism Symposium every year!! Surely I hit the Autism Support Jackpot, right?

Wrong.

I too have hit the 'brick wall' in MY search for proper supports as a now 48 yr old guy diagnosed just last year with this.

IDK, at this stage I really feel I just need to start over again. It's basically a LOST CAUSE at this stage.

But perhaps, if enough of us were to start OUR OWN Aspie / High Funct. Autism organisation... We surely have the Skills to set up websites, newsletters, staff organizations, architecture design... we all have the TOOLS to create an Org. that would be created by US to help US, and not hooked into BIG PHARMA, or standard Dr.'s willing to reduce us with pills.

Some REAL help is only as far away as a bunch of us taking the steps to begin something like this.

I've been told by my spirit guide, I'll be incarnating on this planet for another millennium, and then make it to the 5th Dimension (Star Trek space travel on a star ship)...So the best thing to do NOW is to gather enough SOMEWHERE on this planet and build the organizations to help US.

Applying for an apt. while on EIA

I'm in the process of applying for an apt. The Rent is $695 for a Bach. suite.

On the weekend I withdrew about $400 (minus 10% tax = $360) from my RSP so when an apt. comes up I can pay the Damage Dep.

Also I faxed in my Volunteer Form on Wednesday, so that I'd have an additional $100 income for the month.

Guess what happened today (Monday)?

I got the $360 from the RSP, but the $100 was not 'installed' into my account.

I spent about $20 of the $360 on Sunday, and also today spent another of the $20.
Now I have $323 left and no $100 yet from EIA.
I have to phone EIA on Tuesday to find out where is my $100?

Otherwise folks, it's getting closer and closer to July 31st and hey...I've not been Homeless in this lifetime yet, so hey...

My wish or want or need is to live in a group home environment...Not had that either...Been told that I'm too well (not Autistic enough) to need that. "Jim, you're smart, and you've lived on your own before, now just find an apt. You'll do FINE" is what my supports have been telling me... Some of the same supports have also been helping me look for places on Kijiji together - thank you Pat, Marie, Orianne and Candice.

High Funct. Autism and Homelessness

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/steve-lafleur/homeless-spikes_b_5572897.html

The issue, for me at least, is not just to say "hey Jim, you'll do fine, now just find an apt. ... You've lived on your own before. You'll do fine" ... I'm sorry but it's more complicated than that... I'm a high functioning autistic adult, and because of that I was not able (priorities?) to put enough effort into keeping my apt. clean... I would frequently get complaints from my caretaker telling me to "clean your apartment". I had 2 cats in a carpeted suite. How do other people keep cats or dogs and not have their apt. smell of pet urine and feces? Life skills training is the answer...

I'm saying here that for autistic people and similar we NEED others to live with us, so we can SHARE in the responsibility of maintaining a home.

And not giving us, the HIGH FUNCT. AUTISTICS that OPTION... because we're NOT as NEEDY as the more severely autistic? I JUST DON'T GET IT!

This past week, I listened to an interview on CBC's The Current where they interviewed a French Canadian mother who adopted a Korean infant.



This baby developed PTSD and was diagnosed with Attachment Disorder.



http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/episode/2014/07/09/one-mothers-difficult-story-of-adoption/

The mother said that PTSD in this case causes ongoing stress.

So, in my case, where I was neglected in MY NEED to remain in my babyhood state, even at the age of 3, 4, 5, 6, etc... Was denied going back, even though I looked physically as a boy, emotionally I was not properly TRANSITIONED into boyhood, and was basically SHAMED for even wanting that.

That is not right, and I'm glad that this is being addressed by Gen X and Gen Y parents, who, through so-called 'permissive parenting' allow their pre-school offspring to COMPLETE their babyhood naturally. It should be up to the kid, boy or girl, to say when they are DONE with babyhood things... NEVER the parent. It should be part of a Human Right to that.

The Next Osama...

ISIS leader is the "next Osama Bin Laden"... He is an employee of the CIA.

The USA is building up this man's identity, trying to scare us UP, and one day blame "the next Osama" for some sort of 9/11-like event.

Just sayin'

http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/video-purportedly-shows-isis-leader-delivering-sermon-in-iraq-1.1900649

July 31st, 2014

So, I'm gonna do this ONCE and ONCE only.

As of 31st of July 2014 (that's this year), if I don't find another home, I will indeed become homeless.

It is not that I WANT to be homeless, it is indeed more close that I feel I need a new identity, new city, new experience, fix what was broken in THIS LIFE, etc...

I have been told by my Team (guardian angels - Rexy and now Elizabeth, and guide - Moonwalker) that if I had drowned myself in the River in 2013 I would be facing thousands of years in Hell.

Or other "wishes" on myself

In earlier 2014 I was told that a NEW Book of Life was set up for me, for my life as Adrien in Paris France.

All *I* need do is to keep away from thoughts of wanting to drown, or be eaten, etc... meditate daily, pray the rosary daily... and maybe, just maybe, I will be taken up to Heaven or at least a Purgatory planet, and return... have been guaranteed _before 2024_ to reincarnate as Adrien.

I am 48 yrs. old. I basically have no job prospects, as of later this month, no home.

I have been losing extended family for the past few years.

I cannot afford a good accommodation because now even a 1 bdrm. apt. will cost $800.... Just ask my friend Michael.

The so-called mental health system has told me, point blank... "No we can't help you much Jim, in your autism. If you had been born in 1996 or later, yes. But at your age, you'll just have to manage on your own... Now go out there and find an apt. before you become homeless".

Please, please, please ... people... pray for me as a soul, as a spirit, as someone who has incarnated on this planet several several times in the past 28,000 years. Pray that God, in all that God IS...guides me safely into Purgatory or Heaven, and that I do not fall to Hell if I die this year.

It is very important that you do this.

So is anyone in the Winnipeg area willilng to take me in? No I am NOT WORKING right now, and unless something changes... I do have a good work ethic though, and I do  volunteer... I don't play videogames in my basement while watching pay-tv (I guess Netflix is the equivalent nowadays).

Thank you, and Namaste.

It's Time To Be Adrien!

http://kingst0n-rossdale.tumblr.com/image/90153077933

There are preschool-age kids in the basement of the River Heights Library, participating in a group activity of some kind. Some left for home because I think that activity just ended at 11h.

That got me thinking...

Another + in my justification for me choosing to reincarnate now is this...

The souls who have come back in Human form...some of them are first time to Earth, others have waited perhaps 100 years or so, others are deceased Baby Boomers and Gen X'ers....

I have more in common with these souls, and as mentioned in parenting columns that kids born since about 2002 see their parents as friends and vice versa, compared to my generation X whose parents grew up in the Depression Era...

If I reincarnate now, I will have more in common with my parents and also the kids of 2002 and beyond (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z)...

If I were to die, and then not be able to come back until decades later, and a newer, higher generation of souls come to Earth, who are HIGHER VIBRATION...it will become more and more difficult for myself and other souls to REACH that soul vibration.

So, the time is now.

Since the Fall of 2013 I have been working with my spirit guide, Moonwalker, to create a new life for me. That life is not yet 'activated', but is still in the planning stages...like when we're in Heaven before a life and we go thru a checklist with one of our guides and SELECT what options we want to be or experience coming up.

So, I have selected to be a Human male, living in Paris, France, will continue to have the Autism gene, will live close enough to access (by walk) rail rapid transit - whether that be the Paris Metro, the RER, or  Transilien. I know some French, and I've wanted to practice conversational French...

In this life / En cet vie ... I have had access to keyboard musical instruments. I have had more than 40 years (ans) experience in playing along with tunes on the radio. However, growing up, my Dad was not able to afford music lessons for me...But as Adrien, I choose to place myself into a family whose Dad CAN afford a good quality music keyboard (a Yamaha Tyros 2 or 3 would be fine), and to have music lessons at an early age, so I can perhaps when I get older, play in a Rock band playing 1960s-1980s music, or something similar.

Next... I (feel), based on a past life meditation in July 2010 that I was a Great White Shark approx. 2000 years ago, off the coast of the Northern Territory (territoire) of Australia. One day, while I was swimming in the sea, a young man about the age was swimming too. I think I ate him. His parents got some people together and they harpooned me to death... I think that, while I have had a total of 4 Human lives since the Middle Ages, I have been prevented (?) from swimming... Maybe it's karma, or maybe I just have promise God that I won't eat another Human... I don't know... But I DO want to learn to swim again. So I choose to have parents who also can swim and can teach me or send me off for swimming lessons.

Because I choose to continue with the Autism experience, and also because my babyhood was suddenly pulled from me approx. March 1969... and also if you look at  'baby culture' nowadays, you'll see some boys and girls, about 3 or 4, sometimes 5, sitting in a stroller and sucking on a binky/pacifier. I want to experience a FULL babyhood this time around and that it should be MY DECISION when to let it go... Just look at Kingston Rossdale, poster child for this natural babyhood... I have seen a photo of him with the title that he was 6 yrs. old and had a yellow binky and a Star Wars t-shirt. And diapers for me, even when I am 10 years old or so... I just HATE underwear. I love diapers and they make me feel 'complete'. Crib time, and when I have my younger sibblings, I just want to have my crib time, and if that means buying an additional crib or allowing me to have a 1 or 2 hour afternoon nap in my younger sibbling's crib, then that's all I want.

It's time to be Adrien!

PBS c. 1986: Secret City 3-1

javascript:void(0)

I used to watch this with my sister Pat, on PBS, in 1986, when PBS was still a COOL network to watch.

What happened to this program, Secret City, and what happened to PBS?

PVH = Calvin Klein + Arrow + IZOD + Tommy Hilfiger

I just bought a new pair of IZOD brand white coloured pants from The Bay.

It cost me $30 + tax.

Even though IZOD has been around since the 1930s I don't really recognize it much.

So I looked up their name on Wikipedia and it says that since 2010 they have been bought by Phillips-Van Heusen Corp (PVH).

And PVH also owns most of the other big name Men's fashion companies, like Tommy Hilfigre, Arrow (!), Calvin Klein, and Chaps.

They have manufacturing plants all over Asia, like China, Bangladesh, Philipines, etc...

So if you're wondering why everything looks the same, it's not just because all the designers go to the same trade shows. It's because, they're one and the same company.

See the Wikipedia article for yourself:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PVH_%28company%29

Anyways, I'm hoping that this Summer will be warm enough (less chemtrails) than the Spring has been so far.

EVP Spirit says 'It Sucks' (+playlist)

I will write about this when I have some time. The EVP was so loud and clear at this location of the Manitoba Legislature.

30 Years Ago ... the IBM PCjr

30 years ago, the IBM PCjr was released.
I remember using one at The Bay downtown Winnipeg store (Computerland) when they first came out in the Spring (April 1984). And later on that year, a student friend at Kelvin High School used to talk about his family having one.

It flopped in the market because it was under-powered and cost more than other home computers of the time (Apple II, Commodore 64, and TRS-80 CoCo.

Still, I love the design, and long for those days when there were no Rif-Raf on Graham Ave. downtown and television programming, especially on CBC, had taken on a new edgy sophistication.

Monitor Calibration: Look at the Color You've Been Missing [HD]

My Linux Toolset 2014 Edition

Here is the list of Linux (UNIX) software that I use as my toolset as at March 2014:

Main OS

Linux Fedora 18 (64-bit)
GNOME 3 w/ MATE Desktop

Firefox
LibreOffice 3.6 (an office suite)

Visual/Graphics Tools

Blender (a 3D graphics editor)
Darktable (a clone of Adobe Photoshop Lightroom) 
DeVeDe (to create DVD disks)
GPhoto Frame (a desklet that displays images in a small window)
GIMP 2.8 (raster image editor, similar to Photoshop)
Inkscape 0.48 (like Adobe Illustrator)
Kdenlive 0.96 (a video editor)
Scribus (a desktop publishing program)
Shotwell (a photo management program)

Utilities

 dispcalGUI ( to calibrate output devices - monitor, printer, scanner)
XSane (a scanner utility)
JACK Audio Connection Kit (an inter program method of connecting multimedia together, like virtual patch cables)
QJackCtl (a GUI front-end to Jack Audio Connection Kit)
gtk-RecordMyDesktop

Audio Tools

Audacity (a multi-channel audio editor)
Avidemux (audio/video converter)
Rhythmbox
Rosegarden

Misc. Tools

Stellarium (looking at the stars, star maps)

Progress towards MIDI (Linux)

Oh cool!  This is the way Rosegarden, a UNIX-based music composition (sequencer) program is supposed to work.

Once I find my MIDI cable (or buy a new one) and then buy a powered USB hub... all should be good.

Back in 2005 while I was already quite sick with diabetes symptoms I bought the m-audio Uno USB to MIDI adapter, and hooked it up to my laptop. It would work for a couple of times and then the connection would be flaky. Sometimes I'd get it to work, other times no go...and this was in Windows XP.

This guy explains the problem in a short video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tRQkfvnMDU

9 years later I found the solution to this problem in someone's Youtube video. The m-audio wasn't using enough electicity or whatever and so need more to get a proper connection to the laptop. The guy at the music store didn't quite help in 2005 / 2006 / 2007 ( I can't remember which year, it's all a blur). He said "you can't do MIDI on a laptop, use a PC instead"... Ya, real helpful sales clerk.
Anyways, I'll be fine once I get the extra hardware.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNdXdWoHU0w
Rosegarden is a GNU freeware. Back in 2005 I paid about $200 to get the MIDI USB cable and a copy of Cakewalk for Windows.

On Saturday, April 5th, 2014 I found the m-audio UNO USB-MIDI cable. It was at my parent's house, which I remembered taking there in 2009, after I couldn't get it to work on my laptop in 2005.

On Sunday, April 6th, 2014 I got internal MIDI to work via Rosegarden sequencer program... I made a short Youtube video. The secret was to do the folowing:

1. In a Linux console, type timidity -iA. This starts the Timidity++ program as a server and allows it to do the MIDI translation to the audio adapter.
2. Load Rosegarden sequencer.
3. Load Jack Audio Connection Kit (qjackctl).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oahd6N3-Fk&list=UUFDflUcE9asWlWiHHIz07Rg

Is Virtual Sex Possible?

http://www.outofbodyecstasy.com/2011/04/telepathic-sex-virtual-foreplay-and.html

Late afternoon, Wednesday, 6 novembre, I was eastbound bus stop in front of the Downtown Library.

There were two RT buses that I could have caught. One driver had tatoos, while the other guy was bald... OK, skip those.

I got on the 66 Grant, where the driver looked normal.

Then at some point a young man boarded. He was a late teen. He had large headphones with a 'b' logo on the sides. He wore a school bus orange and black tartan jacket. Like this...

I took a glance at his black hair on the back of his head. I don't know how to describe it, but the way his hair was cut it was like a few hairs here and a few there placed side by side. He looked so cute like that.

He sat down in the seat just ahead of the rear door, so I had a pretty good access to his physical appearance at all times.

I got the impression this late teen was already feeling a bit horny.

I haven't done this since late 2009 when my Mom lay in the Hospital dying, but I think i had virtual sex with him.

I closed my eyes, and started to imaging sucking on his penis, and stroking his tummy. I even had to swallow every now and then, it felt so REAL to me.

I could feel that his penis wasn't quite hard, so I virtually started to tug at it and squeeze it, in my mind. His virtual penis felt harder and got longer.

Near my stop, I got up off my seat. I wish I could have said to him "That was good, boy".

Instead, I said to another male (my passivity), "It was good", and I kinda motioned to the my virtual male partner whom I had for all but a short while, enjoying each other.

My AB/DL Self

This is a bit of a 'coming out' post for me.

I guess I haven't felt the need or the want, or maybe prior to the past year or so, it wouldn't make much difference.

My story begins in 1969 at age 3 yrs. when a few weeks had passed after I had been switched from a crib to a 'big bed'.

I guess subconsciously I had resented being switched, and of course my younger sister Marie, had just been born in January 1969, so I had to make room for her. However, I was not ready and flexible at the time to accept another sibling and be forced to grow up a bit.

One day, while my Mom rode the Metro Winnipeg Transit North Main trolleybus to downtown, she had my Baba (my grandma, her Mom) to babysit me.

Possibly because my Mom had refused allowing me back into the crib, I think I may have grown a friendship with Baba.

It was so long ago that I don't really remember this incident. The story was told by my Mom in the 1986 period, when I had 'come out' to her about my Adult Baby self.

I had asked Baba to put a cloth diaper on me and to place me in the crib for a while, until my Mom returns.

When Mom returned (early?), she noticed that I was still in the crib, and that I was wearing a cloth diaper.

Baba told Mom, "He (still) wants to be (a) baby".

Mom, in her infinite, naivety, returned the favour, and told her "don't encourage him in this behaviour".

Some time in 1969/70, I would be laying on my bed, at the foot of it, and my hands would be under my head, ... I'd be staring at the ceiling, thinking about my day. Sometimes I'd see blobs of black, large orbs, floating in front of me. Other times I heard adult voices, not voices of my Mom or Dad...if I heard them it was because they were arguing....No, these were adult voices, there were 3 or 4 of them, that I didn't really recognize. They were about middle-age...40s to 60s... They would repeat to me "pee in your bed before you sleep". I told them that I wanted so much to do this and that I needed to pee in my bed between 3 and 5 days and then Mom would maybe put me back into diapers.

I realized decades later, that these were my Spirit Guides ... Daniel, Moonwalker (Catherine Jaworski), Pete, and Clarabelle.

I was hesitant, because my Dad was not the kindest person, and my Grandpa (his Dad) was not nice...he had this mean looking stare...another relative years later said the same thing about my Grandpa. So I was terrified that Dad would tell his Dad that I wet the bed and that I was back into diapers. I was terrified of Grandpa's possible judgmental reaction. Why couldn't I have had grandparents on Dad's side that I really loved, and weren't scared of their reaction?

I yearned to be a baby again. I did not understand these intense feelings of wanting to be like this again.

So, after that, I was on my own... Baba would come over to babysit Marie and me, and Mom would go downtown to The Bay and Eaton's... I'd locate one of the plastic pants, then undress under the bed, and put a pair of plastic pants on me. ... this would have been in the 1971 period. Baba would not help put on a diaper on me, as per Mom's instructions. I'd crawl out from under my bed, with an errect penis from within the plastic pants. I stood there for maybe a minute or two, then went back in, to take off the plastic pants, and to dress back into my regular clothes. Baba would serve us a meat sandwich (salami, balogni, etc...) with orange pekoe tea with milk, and that'd be it for another day. This would happen once per month.

I remember there were quite a few thunderstorms during the Summer of 1971. I remember because it seems these would happen whenever Baba would babysit us. I was terrified of the thunder. Anyways...
 The next year, 1972, Baba got her first stoke. She spent a few days at our house, sleeping in the spare bedroom in the basement.  I remember Dad not wanting her to stay there. I feel that if Dad had allowed her to, possibly she would have lived into at least the early 1980s. But... moot point now.

After that first stroke, Baba was different. She did not move as fast, and Mom told me not to play too rough with her.

I got the idea to play "bus" with her in the basement. I'd set up a few chairs and she'd show me her senior's ID pass. Afterwards we'd have a meat sandwich and tea, just like before. But things were just different.

Baba passed away in 1973 (40 years ago this month), and I still miss her. Out of all my grandparent's, she was the closest to me because of putting me back into the crib, of of making me lunch. She bought me nicer clothes than Mom did...Bought toy trains and stuff that I really enjoyed.

In 1976 when I was 10 years old, the arborite and chrome highchair was in the basement, and so on a few occasions I had gone to the basement, and stood near the highchair. I imagined myself climbing into it, and sitting in it... I was worried however, that if I did, I'd be too big, and so I didn't go in it. Just held that fantasy in my mind.

November 1978, I had 'come of age'. Mom and Dad were gone to an anniversary or something and Dad's mother had babysat us. While The Love Boat on ABC Television was playing, I went to locate a couple of cloth diapers, and put them under my covers. I found a couple of pins in the bathroom drawer.

After about 11 pm I went to my room, and flattened out the diaper, without seeing it, in the darkness. It must have been positioned sideways, because it would just not "fit" properly. I gave up.

Skip forward to September 1981, this was my first month in Grade 10 high school. Mom was working once per week at a woman's home, helping to clean up after she had conducted a cooking course. Pat and Marie were both at elementary school. Dad was at work.

Approximately once per week I had a 'spare period', where I could go home early at about 13.30h. This was on Tuesday, because The Winnipeg Sun's community newspaper, The Mirror, was being delivered to households in the River Heights area.

I had the whole house to myself!

So now the cloth diapers were in the basement. I was a bit scared going down there all by myself. I mean, what if I seen Aern the Jinn. So I slowly went downstairs, and I found two cloth diapers in the laundry room. Found the two pins, and went to my room to put it on.

Oh, man was this so exciting to me...Why didn't the diaper fit back in 1978? I must have put it on sideways....Ouch! Oh well, I'm still young...

I put some powder on my diaper area, and masturbated while I wore the diaper. Found out decades later that this is 'normal' behaviour for those who do this type of stuff.

I'd do this every Tuesday, or every second Tuesday when everyone would be out of the house except for ME!

A year or two later Mom quit the cooking course help, and so I had to switch my strategy.

In the years 1981 and 1984 I had learned how to use the washing machine and drier. Life skills no one taught me otherwise, right Mom?

In 1984 I would have to wait until my family went to Polo Park Shopping Centre, usually on a Saturday afternoon to wear a cloth diaper and to wash the one(s) that I had wet. Because I didn't want anyone to know about my ...err...hobby... I couldn't just go downstairs and use their washing machine. So I waited...and waited...sometimes they didn't go to Polo Park or Grant Park...

August 1984 I was helping Dad deliver the 1984 Fall-Winter edition of the SEARS catalogue. I remember this was on a Friday because it was prayer meeting night, and I wanted to finish Renfrew St. before 6 pm to have Supper.

Weeks earlier I had spotted a glass Evenflo baby bottle on the kitchen shelf above the oven. All I needed was a time when the family was out and I could make some baby formula for myself and enjoy the taste again!

Tonight was the night...

So very shortly when everyone had left, I got the baby formula off the shelf, and put some milk, water, and corn syrup in it. Put it in a saucepan and heated it on HI for about 8 to 10 minutes.

While that was happening I put on a cloth diaper and then returned to the kitchen... I was 18 years old at the time, but I felt much much younger at the time.

 I went over to the b'droom, and began to suck baby formula in the bottle. It was just sooooo tasty... Sooooo good for me.... I loved every bit I drank.

What happens if urine soaks on a fabric, and if it is not cleaned within a certain time...it starts to shred... Or was that because I experimented with the Bleach?

All of the cloth diapers were pretty well in shreds...I had to throw them all away.

In 1985 I was left with using spare undershirts and pinning that on me.

On May 2, 1986, on the night of the opening ceremonies of Expo '86, I went to the Tuxedo IGA on Grant Avenue, and purchased a pkg. of large Huggies diapers. This cost me a bit as I was not working at the time.

The Huggies were too small for my almost 20 year old body, so I had to hold it in place by pinning a cloth diaper on top of it.

I remember going to another high school course like this, with of course a pair of jeans on top.

Rexy my Guardian Angel Incarnates To Help Me From Dangerous Ner' Do' Wells

I have been reading Doreen Virtue's book Divine (something)... The book describes how our angels help us in various times in our life.

In Summer 2011 I was going to the Mountain Co-Op store at the corner of Portage @ Donald. This corner is very dangerous and has been documented as such by a videographer, whose daughter was harrassed by aboriginal panhandlers.

My story / experience goes like this.

I was at the corner and an aboriginal man, who was very drunk asked me for some change. I copied his voice, and then one of them looked at me like he was going to attack me. I looked arouand to see if I could escape safely. Inside I called out to my guardian angel Rexy for help.

Right then a man wearing either a white jacket or a white shirt with blue jeans appears and tells these men to "leave him alone". He then said "come with me". We waited until the light changed to cross Portage Ave.

I was walking in the same direction as him, south along Donald St. against the arena building. I felt that this man was nice, and had no issues. I couldn't get any reading from him at all.

We parted company. Either he walked into the arena building or we parted, and he walked westward along Graham. I don't remember.

But I believe that my guardian angel incarnated for about 5 to 7 minutes to keep me from being physically attacked by those Natives, and then he went somewhere and went back into spirit form.

Thank you Rexy for keeping me safe from harm that day.

Recurring Nightmares About Elevators

Back in the day when the downtown Eaton's building was still standing, set in the 1980s after the elevator attendants were not used anymore. I used to have this reoccurring nightmare. The story goes like this:

I'd be going to the Eaton's store downtown, and it would be off hours I think. I'd get onto one of the middle elevators from the main floor. The inside was not fancy but was wooden plank walls. Maybe this was one of the freight elevators, I don't know.

Anyways, I'd get on, the doors would close and then the funny stuff would happen. I'd press a button for one of the floors. The elevator would start to move upwards. Then all the lights would start to flash randomly, and I'd miss my floor. The elevator would continue on its way, or it'd go down.

I couldn't reach my floor. It's as if the elevators had a consciousness -- a mind of their own. They seemed Angry at me or something.

Sometimes in my these nightmares, the elevator cage would go to the top and would fling its passengers out of the building, though I think that would never happen to me.

There was an investigation and nothing amiss would be found.

So during the 1980s when I'd be in one of the Eaton's elevators, and if I was alone by myself, I'd say to the elevator "to be nice to me".

This morning, Sunday, September 22, 2013 around 0900 I had a simliar nightmare, except that the elevator that was acting strangely was the ones in the Winnipeg Clinic, a unique building in our downtown.

In the nightmare the 3rd floor was some sort of commercialized area, including the property management offices for the WC. There was a Chinese woman, in her 30s that was wanting to go to that floor but it did not go there, and instead the elevator kept going up and up.

In dream interpretation, what does this mean? I'm sure it means something. Perhaps the Winnipeg Clinic is also at some point in Danger of being demolished for a newer building, I don't know yet.